Cleaning off my dining room table.

Rediscovered a birthday card sent from my mom. It was a "Mahogany"... And we all know what those are--cards marketed towards the African-American population...

I wonder if she was testing me to see if I was paying attention. However, it is most likely she is just a moron.

Six more days left of my birthday month. Wooo.

Last night: A date with my dad.

We went to the teenage bordello my sister refers to as "the mall" because he wanted to do some shopping and then went to Red Lobster where I got crabs.

Bubble Tea Boy

I saw him shakin' his ass in the middle of Delmar outside the Pageant Friday night after the concert as his friends chanted his name. I called him out on it. He has not responded. He is probably embarrassed.

I was in Harrison Ford (Julie and Kevan's Escape) and he walked behind it, and I almost said, "Hey, I know him!" But then he started with the ass-shakin' and I decided to keep my mouth shut.

It's all about knowing when to keep your mouth shut.

Today.

I hung out with Guster.
You are jealous.

I needed that.

"Two Points For Honesty"--Guster

If that's all you will be, you'll be a waste of time
You've dreamed a thousand dreams, none seem to stick in your mind
Two points for honesty
It must make you sad to know that nobody cares at all
I want to be where I've never been before
I want to be there and then I'd understand
Know I'm right and do it right, could I get to be like that
I'll know what I don't know with nothin more to gain
Will I get better or stay the same
I find I always move to slowly
Can't lift a finger, can't change my mind
I never knew till someone told me that...
If that's all you will be, you'll be a waste of time
You've dreamed a thousand dreams, none seem to stick in your mind
Two points for honesty
It must make you sad to know that nobody cares at all
And all the people who've seen it all before
And all the people who really understand
Know they're right, and have done it right, could I get to be like that
I'll know what I don't know, it's harder everyday
Can't lift a finger, can't hurt a fly
I've found I always move too slowly
One things for certain, I'm insecure
I never knew till someone told me that....
If that's all you will be, you'll be a waste of time
You've dreamed a thousand dreams, none seem to stick in your mind
Two points for honesty
It must make you sad to know that nobody cares at all
Nobody cares at all
They never care at all

Also: Vic Porcelli is a tool.

Thank goodness for Southwest Airlines.

Zach.

Zach is mad because his name isn't up here, too.
He actually has words of wisdom.
Which is odd, coming from Zach.
But, hey. Whatever.

So, Zach, now your name is up here too.
And for once it's not because I was mad at you.

Yeah, like I'd ever be mad at you. Pffft. Ha-ha. Funny. Hah.

You probably expected me to do this, even.
I'm getting predictable. Yay.

"Gee, Wally. Dad's awful sore at ya."

I'm tired of being nice, in case you didn't notice. From now, on, if you piss me off, you and the whole rest of the world are going to know about it. No more putting up with bullshit from anyone.

I've had enough. It's not cute. It's not funny.

I do my best to tolerate people. I try. Really, I do. But I think I've held everything in for sooooooooooo long to the point I'm gonna erupt at any time or at any given moment. I mean, it's so bad that I'm shaky and just kinda pissy at everyone in general and I'm sorry if I snap at you on accident, but I'm doing my best. So there.

I left my comfy Nike pants at the gym tonight and I sure hope they're there tomorrow night or someone's gonna have hell to pay.

I really need to get out of town. Or at least have some beverages. Alone.

Cheers! :)

And NO, it's NOT PMS.

Q&A.

Many questions, many answers, not enough time.
Going to bed.

I feel like sharing.

It feels good.

So if there are any other issues you think that need to be brought up, or questions in general about ANYTHING, just email me, but please please please do not leave it in the comment section (denita). I just get the feeling people don't think I've been straight with them on a lot of things. We'll get this all straightened out. Any questions/answers will be posted here.

Thanks,
Melissa

(or you can just call me. that works well.)

This weekend.

Well, if my goal was to piss off all my friends and lose them in one fail swoop, I succeeded.

I think everyone needs to chill out. Desensitize. Be happy.

Breathe in, breathe out. I'm gonna be blunt and to the point.
I haven't opened up on here like this for a long time.

Kelly: No, I didn't want to go to her party. I had 4 hours of sleep, got up at 4am and worked 12 hours, and had to get up at 4am to work 12 hours again the next day. Work has been pretty intense. I don't talk about it here, because I don't feel the need to bring up the job on the blog anymore and complain and I am extremely happy with it, but I'm in training for stuff I have no clue about in a classroom/outdoor setting half the day and then I work my ass off to learn my job the other half of the day. I warned her days in advance that I probably wouldn't want to go. I have to be alert for the morning classes, as I am still on probation and could lose my job over silly stuff like writing a wrong number somewhere. My position is highly monitored by the EPA, and I need to be on top of things and I can't do that on 4 hours of sleep. After a day like that, I wouldn't have been in the mood for her. I wasn't. She can be pretty grating at times and we clash a lot and she knows this. Also, I didn't want to drive all the way to South County for one beer. So, on a whim, I went to dinner for 45 minutes with other friends a mile from my apartment and came home to try to sleep. I was in bed by 8:30. I swear. But I couldn't sleep because I had all this negative adrenaline pumping through my veins because people assumed I was out with the other friends for different reasons and just HAD to tell her this to get her worked up for their entertainment purposes. We've worked things out, I think. Yeah, I say some bad stuff about her occasionally, in confidence (AHEM, you know who you are), but I really do care about her. She is a friend and really needs people in her life right now and I was sorry I could not be there for her on her birthday to celebrate. A ride home, yes. Even though I still had not slept and the next day was hell at work. And yes, I realize people went out on a work night for my birthday, but no one held guns to their heads.

Chris: Yeah, I only think of him as a friend. I know he's liked me for a long time, but I just don't feel the same way. We have things in common and get along ok, but for me, that is not enough and that defines a good friend. We hung out on Valentine's Day. It wasn't supposed to be a date, but he showed up with flowers and a homemade valentine. I didn't know what to think. I was definitely caught off guard. The gesture was nice, but not totally unwelcome because it's really great of people to do things like that for others. Since it was V-day, we went out and had the best time we could and it was a lot of fun, although his gesture got me wondering if there was more to Chris than what I already knew. We went out one other night last week, and as much as I tried to feel something for him, I didn't, and any show of emotion I gave him in that direction felt forced and I wish I could take it all back. I warned him beforehand it might not work. The uncomfortableness of dating someone from the friends circle had me a little uneasy, but foremost it was probably just the lack of any romantic feelings for him. And it's not like I haven't been dating other people lately. I told him this, too. I don't know what exactly he was telling other people about us, but I know he was telling his friends things, and it was making me uncomfortable in general because I guess in the process he also misled them as to what our relationship was. My advice to Chris is to not beat himself up over my not being able to return the same feelings. There are plenty of other people out there and he could do a lot better than me. There are a couple of things about me that if he knew about them, he wouldn't want anything to do with me. I'm not a nice person. And frankly, he should be glad I told him early-on instead of five months down the road.

Eric: This probably adds to his bitterness towards women. Sorry 'bout that. Guess the ladder theory rings true.

I know there are probably other issues I need to address. They will come in time as needed.

So ends the weekend that was.

I feel like such a bitch today.

I could apologize one million times, and it wouldn't make a damn bit of difference. It seems that when it comes to these situations, I always just go flailing about aimlessly, hurting people and getting myself hurt.

I'm tired of it.

I believe my general thoughts on dating and love are found here.
I should learn how to follow the rules I set for myself.

Yup, I'm still up.

Random person I don't know is text messaging me on my phone. I didn't even know my phone had that feature. Wow, I've been paying for that for a long time, I guess. Huh.

How fun.

Tonight.

I ditched a friend on her birthday to have a quick, quiet dinner with other friends so I could come home and go to bed early and perhaps be productive at work Saturday.

Instead, I was summoned to pick up her drunk self because the people who had taken her to her party had ditched her at a bar and she was crying and there was all kinds of drama that took place.

I am not a very good friend, sometimes.
I feel really bad.

It's ok. I spent the whole drive to Eureka getting bitched at.
I deserved it.

(But maybe tonight I will get five hours of sleep instead of four?)

I'm thinking I probably need a panic button right about now.

I SO want to go to this.

Make it stop!!!

I keep buying stuff. Especially things I don't need.

I need new running shoes.
I need plane tickets to FL.
I want an ipod mini.
I want a photo printer/scanner.

I have none of those, but I have other stupid things.

Like, stuff for my sister's PS2.
Snow bibs. (It will not snow for the rest of the year, after that purchase TYVM).
New plants.
A lot of food.
CD's.

Oh well.

It was a nice day out today... Like, 70 degrees. Went out and played in the sun for a while. My old summer running route in Clayton was still covered in ice in some places. At least it was nice to get out for a while. Tomorrow will be cold again, I guess. And probably rainy.

Oh well.

I really need to go to Florida. I have the beach urge. BAD.

Races! Woo!

Tired.

I am very tired of writing rather large checks ($1000+) to my credit card company. Hopefully this will all be over in a couple months and I can get on with my life.

Oh, joyful day.

Link.

Be sure to read the follow-up.

Thank goodness for magic snake visits.

Like sands through the hourglass....

I happened to be at the gym during DOOL today. That show has SO gone over the edge. Shaun-D? Why is there a D at the end of his name, still? I mean, that was cute when he was a toddler on the show--three years ago, but now through the magic of television he's a grown up. Lose the "D". And why does every conflict revolve around Marlena? Doc this, Doc that. Ugh. I can't stand to hear John say, "Doc".

Also, the commercials at this time of day are amusing.
I should have gone into marketing.

First there was one for a cough syrup that wouldn't spill when your kid was fighting away the spoon. It was all gooey and solid-like. Now the question with that is just how the hell do you get it to pour out of the bottle into the spoon in the first place?

The second amusing one was for Gerber baby food in "resealable" containers--like those little Gladware fake tupperware things. Excuse me? The last time I checked, baby food jars were "resealable"...

But, what do I know? I don't have kids and I don't watch soaps.

SHIT! Oh yeah. It's soooo dead.

My space heater just crackled and fizzed.

I think it wants to catch on fire.

Guess I will be going to Home Depot tomorrow to get me a new one.

Not much to report.

My mom is joining a cult.
I got a countertop oven.
Elroy has the same one, he says.
I'm currently having a bake-a-thon.
Cookies.
Coconut shrimp.
Lasagna.
Chicken.
Pies.
Brownies.
Cakes.
Mac n cheese.
Potatoes.
Steaks.
Toast.
Fish.
Muffins.
Cupcakes.
Casseroles.
Pork loin.
More cookies.
I should make St. Patty's cookies.
It's nice to be able to bake again.
I'd really like a beer.

There are many silly excuses to have clubs.

Here's another. (WTF?).

Things I saw today/tonight.

--A pirate dancing a jig.
--The Whole Sick Crew
--A charter bus of cowboys getting dropped off at a gay bar.
--A dog dressed up as "Mardi Gras" (the best I can describe it).

I may remember more later.

Beatle Bob. A drumset with mannequin legs on top of the bass. Lots of alcohol. A guy in very plaid pants. Bad karaoke (Cheee-CAAAH-go, Cheee-CAAAH-go).

Too much drama.

If someone's not careful, there will be a confrontation.

Mark my word. Yes, indeedy. Confront you, I will.

And it's probably not who you think.

And his name was Adam, Child of God... No, Greg...

At work last night/today...
I met a man with no belly button.
I can't make this stuff up.
I work with ALL the freaks.

But they're freaks in a good way, really.
I like them.

Dr. Flame.

He made an attempt to help me with dating today.

So, there I was, in his office in Kirkwood, and no one else was around, and he's giving me dating advice. Because apparently, I need help.

I'm sure the flies on the wall were amused.

He knows way too much about my personal life. Pathetic.

I also just got an email.

From the Monday night guy...

I dunno.

OH, and Tuesday night at my brother's house...

The JW's came. They were not on bicycles. We pretended we weren't there.

I laughed.

Once again, BOYS ARE DUMB.

I just got a message from a guy... I went out with him over a month ago... who said he'd call... and didn't... but I didn't care... if I wanted to go out again, I'd have called him... and I didn't, so i didn't... but he said he'd lost my number... okay... and now he sounds all interested again...

I don't think I'll be calling him back. Because I'm crazy, of course.

Happy early Valentine's Day!

Subject: Just in time for Valentine's Day...
These are entries to a Washington Post competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line, but ... the least romantic second line:
-Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.
-I thought that I could love no other. Until, that is, I met your brother.
-Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head.
-Of loving beauty you float with grace If only you could hide your face.
-Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; This describes everything you are not.
-I want to feel your sweet embrace. But don't take that paper bag off of your face.
-I love your smile, your face, and your eyes--Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
-My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: Marrying you screwed up my life.
-I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I always wake up screaming.
-My love, you take my breath away. What have you stepped in to smell this way?
-My feelings for you no words can tell, Except for maybe "go to hell."
-What inspired this amorous rhyme? Two parts vodka, one part lime.

Go, go, Gadget comments!

Did it work? Hello? Penny?

...in bed?

Lo mein just isn't the same.

Read more books.

The Calligrapher--Edward Docx: Modern wry story of a player based loosely on John Donne's Songs and Sonnets. EXCELLENT. My favorite so far this year. Not to mention the author is really hot. Flipped to the back of the jacket and immediately desired to devise a plan to abduct him.

The Storyteller--Arthur Reid: Stupid. A writer with writer's block publishes the stories of a deceased author as his own and chaos ensues. Why do writers feel compelled to write about writing? Too autobiographical. I don't want to hear about it. It's like songwriters writing songs about writing songs. Or teachers teaching teaching.

Avoidance--Michael Lowenthal: Camp counselor well-versed in ways of the Amish (??) yearns to molest boys at a youth camp but discovers someone already has. OK.

Also, there were mentions of Avenue B in Manhattan in all three books. Freaky.

Will someone come over and pop my back? Please?

Tonight, I had a date with a nice boy.

He introduced me to THIS.

Weird stuff, man. Weird. I liked it.

There's a place in U City that has it--St. Louis Bubble Tea--if you ever want to check it out. I'll go with you. It wasn't so bad.

There was a strong presence of Asians with laptops.

Also, my dart career is over. I probably just needed to drink more.

Beer. Drink more *beer*, not bubble tea.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Work all night and sleep all day makes Jack miss all the drama.

Hi ho, Hi ho, it's off to work I go.

Lazy in my old age:

It's six o'clock in the morning and I'm eating cheese dip and nacho chips when there are eggs and bacon in the fridge and fresh croissants on the kitchen counter.

I predict I will also get fat in my old age.

Just a few pics from my burphday. (Thanks, Chris).

Then I'll stop talking about my burphday.

I promise.

I'm sorry if you've lost your hearing on my account.

No more HoR for a VERY long time.

I sure don't feel any older. Yet.

I do feel a headache.

The good thing about this headache is that it is indistinguishable from the sledding whiplash headache.

My name is Melissa.

I am 26 years old.

I have the greatest friends ever.

Surprise servers kick ass, too.

Thank you, Eric, Denita, Chris, Zach, Kat, Vince, Julie, Kevan, and Kelly for making my birthday RAWK.

You guys are the best.

I am drunk.

Also, I smell like the HoR and my ears are ringing.

The missing purse is no longer missing. YAY!

So, now, other business:

Tomorrow is my birthday. I have to work tomorrow night, so I will be celebrating tonight instead.

If anyone is interested in meeting up, lemme know. It will probably involve a bar of some sort.

I had such a crap day it isn't even funny.

First, I got home from work yesterday at about 6am and fell on the ice, went inside, and went to bed. Which at that time I didn't know it, but I also dropped my purse when I fell (it jumped out of my partially-zipped backpack). Woke up later and my purse was missing/stolen. Spent hours looking for it. Gave up. Went to police station, filed report, blah blah blah--"What's your phone number? Ah, your phone was in your purse. I see." Went to bank to cancel my debit card and apply for a new one, blah blah--"We need a picture ID--What? You don't have one? NO! It was stolen, too?" YES, along with my social security card and my phone. Went to phone store, waited the traditional two hours for help to get a "replacement" phone--"We can't take checks, you'll have to pay with cash, and we need a picture ID." ATM card stolen, won't take checks w/o picture ID, no way to pay you. I had emergency cash. They took my cash with no ID, but only because I could recite every detail of my credit history. And the phone they gave me is huge and clunky and I just wanna cry.

Oh, and my purse also contained a spare truck key and so now I also have to worry about having my truck stolen. YAY.

So, today was pretty much a waste. Tomorrow morning, if my truck is still parked out front, I will attempt to get a new license. I have to go to Illinois, since it was IL issued. Wonderful.

What was funny about this is that my mom was expecting me to come home today, and I couldn't call her because I had no phone and I didn't have her number. Screw you mom. Except she had my birthday presents. Dammit.

SO, IF I HAD YOUR PHONE NUMBER, I DON'T HAVE IT ANYMORE. PLEASE EMAIL IT TO ME. THANKS.

Then tonight I went sledding in Forrest Park with Eric, Chris, and Adamwho?. My body hurts. I hit a tree. I think I may have a concussion. Seriously, guys--my head is pounding.

I think I may take some nice pain pills or something and lie down. So, if I die, you'll know why.

Sorry I wasn't so talkative tonight. And thanks again, Eric for your help today.

OMG you should see the bruises on me. Sledding bruises, man.

Also, I took this stupid brain test.

It's not so accurate.

Your Brain Usage Profile

Auditory : 50%
Visual : 50%
Left : 64%
Right : 35%

It's a visual test with provided answer choices. How is that accurate? Sometimes the answers wouldn't even be what I wanted to answer as.

Stupid.

Heh. I read three books already this week.

Eagles and Angels--Juli Zeh
Built in a Day--Steven Rinehart
The Solomon Sisters Wise Up--Melissa Senate

Two I highly recommend. One of them was ok.
I'll let you decide which one is which.
It'll be like a choose-your-own adventure.

Also, it's fun to go to the library, check out a book, get home and start reading it, and then realize you've read it before. Such the nerd.

I took the prez test.

Kerry (100%)
Kucinich (90%)
Edwards (89%)
Dean (87%)
Sharpton (84%)
Clark (83%)
Bush (46%)

I'm such a dem.

Then I went sledding. Weeeeeeeeeee!

What a crap day.

Discovery.

I've discovered that my thoughts are most lucid around 4 am.

So does that make me a morning person, or a night person?

That is also when I am most likely to be persuaded to do stupid things.

Girls are crazy. Boys are dumb. --Jes

My new crazy girl crisis: Why do boys ask for numbers and not call? Why is that?

Asking for a girl's number indicates you are interested. Said girl gets hopes up and starts planning the few first dates and what your children might look like if you were to have children together. Okay, so some don't take it that far. Personally, I only fantasize about the moment the guy actually gets out his phone, looks up where he drunkenly saved my name under "Melissa PBR" and hits the dial key to see who the hell he met the night before. Okay, so they're not all drunken baffoons. I do occasionally meet nice, datable men. Occasionally. And then we don't date.

Don't ask for the number if you have no intentions of calling.

But really, every idiot we date is one less idiot we risk marrying. So, help a sista out and call back.

Nevermind. Don't. We can all live without pride for one day.

Boys are dumb. And it's the dumb boys that make us girls crazy.

I'll never have to leave the house again.